| Title | : | Resolving Everyday Conflict |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | 0801013860 |
| ISBN-10 | : | 9780801013867 |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Paperback |
| Number of Pages | : | 116 |
| Publication | : | First published May 1, 2011 |
Everyone encounters conflict--whether it be with a coworker, family member, friend, or complete stranger. And yet we all desire harmony in our relationships. "Resolving Everyday Conflict" is a practical, biblical, concise guide to peacemaking in everyday life that can turn tumultuous relationships into peaceful ones.
Resolving Everyday Conflict Reviews
-
I appreciate short books that make a significant impact. This is one of them.
Anyone could benefit from this book. It's gospel-centered, practical, re-orienting, and timeless. We're all prone to flight or fight responses in conflict, and Sande provides a third way - peacemaking with plenty of ideas and illustrations rooted in Scripture.
I was challenged and convicted throughout the book. At the same time I was encouraged to be a peacemaker who let's the Holy Spirit and God's Word take control of me to resolve conflict for His glory and the good of others. I can see myself returning to this book and recommending it on a regular basis.
(P. S. This book epitomizes the adage, "Don't judge a book by its cover." I have no idea what a barren tree has to do with resolving everyday conflict. There are some other distracting design choices in the typesetting too, but the content is too good to dismiss because of that.) -
A gem of a book for every Christian to read. Conflict is a part of life and it is not in our nature to deal with it well but mostly very badly. This book clearly explains how to deal with conflict Biblically. To quote from the book - "Christians are the most forgiven people in the world. Therefore we should be the most forgiving people in the world."
-
It's hard to separate the text of the book and the discussions with the ladies. Very brief, but good.
-
Great quick read on handling conflict biblically. Having a print copy would be a good pastoral resource to have on hand.
-
A condensed version of The Peacemaker with a focus on personal conflict.
“When you draw on God's grace to put off your self-centered attitudes and act on His principles, you put His glory on display. Your life points to His vast wisdom, compassion, and transforming power, and as you look for God's glory, the impact reaches far beyond yourself because you give everyone around you reason to respect and praise God. Glorifying God is not about letting others see how great you are. It's about letting them see how great the Lord is.” -
Overall a good read on resolving conflict biblically, with very practical steps to walk through as well as general principles. I agreed with the book but found the writing style left me skimming or becoming disinterested at times (maybe I'll read it again in another season when I'm experiencing more tangible conflict).
A good place to start if you're seeking reconciliation in a relationship of any kind, though! -
This is a short, pithy, and fairly helpful look at God's design for putting an end to strife. From what I can tell, it's a condensed version of Sande's longer book, The Peacemaker, and I'm sure he goes into greater depth on a number of his points in that book. That is to say, this is more of a starting place that provides a concise set of principles than an exhaustive resource on conflict resolution. And as the title states, this is geared more toward day-to-day, run-of-the-mill kinds of conflict as opposed to catastrophic relational meltdowns. Still, the book is a good reminder of the sinful sources of strife and a useful introduction to the basics of restoring peace. A few more real-life examples would have been helpful in driving his points home, but overall this seems like a good resource.
(I listened to the audiobook and finished the whole thing while doing just a couple of days's worth of housework.) -
This short book did a beautiful job of bringing the gospel to light and how that should impact the way we relate to others. This is not a self help book. This is a book about understanding what Jesus did for us on the cross and how our response is to love others.
“As we delight in the gospel, we can replace our desire for self vindication with a desire to please and honor God…We can find joy in offering to others the undeserved forgiveness that we have received from Christ. The gospel is the joy and delight and perfect road map of every true peacemaker!” -
Excellent! Instead of trying and failing to read the much larger and original work, *The Peacemaker*, this little 107 page condensed version is a great place to start. Sande is the gold standard on this issue.
-
This is a very helpful, short, and practical book on biblical conflict resolution.
-
Short, practical, and gospel-soaked. I think the chapter on the gospel and how it impacts our daily lives was my favorite. Beautiful.
-
Christian approach to conflict
-
Short book with practical and accessible truth. Seems to be a great resource for many levels of discipleship in the church.
-
Essentially a condensed version of Sande's excellent and well-known Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict. I'm not exactly sure why Sande felt the need to publish this particular volume, since the original book, while substantial (320 pages), was a fairly easy read. Perhaps there really was a need for a booklet sized adaptation of Sande's curriculum, but it ends up feeling like an attempt to drum up further sales for Sande.
This little volume, at 128 pages or just under three hours for the audiobook form, did seem to capture the essence of Sande's trademark concepts (the four promises of forgiveness, the slippery slope of conflict, the four G's of conflict, etc.). I was struck by the confidence of some of Sande's predictions--he seemed to reiterate in no uncertain terms that his methodology would change your life, that his system works, and that it's right. Granted, pretty much anyone who writes a how-to book believes that he or she is right about how to do whatever he or she is writing about, but I don't remember that tone of absolute certainty in the original. At times, he almost sounded like a snake oil salesman guaranteeing positive results--it ended up having a slight negative effect on his credibility. Later in the book, he explains that you can't force others to reconcile, and it becomes apparent that some conflicts are messier than others. Still, he's awfully confident that his way is the right way.
And for what it's worth, I do think his suggestions are quite good, and I've benefited from them myself. I find his four promises of forgiveness particularly helpful in thinking through the process and definition of forgiveness.
Bottom line: the original is better, so if you're interested in Sande's admittedly insightful suggestions for conflict resolution, just read Peacemaker instead. It's well worth the extra $2 Amazon will charge you. If, however, 320 pages just seems like too dang many, well, this book may be for you. -
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
This is a great book little book, about 100 pages - full of practical expressions of Biblical principles that actually work when it comes to conflict resolution.
Not all conflict is highly confrontational - use the teachings from this book to improve your marriage, family and other personal relationships - we all know we need to!
Discover how the 5 G's can guide you through the resolution of any tense situation, and onwards to reconciliation and forgiveness.
Grab your copy now, and put in to practice what it teaches - it will change your life!
Resolving Everyday Conflict Paperback
Resolving Everyday Conflict [Kindle Edition]
Resolving Everyday Conflict [MP3 Audio Edition] -
"Peace is worth our greatest effort."
Kevin Johnson writes clearly and to the point. He tells us why we should always work to resolve conflict, reconcile, and to do it for the glory of God. Using scripture, he emphasizes key points to make you realize what you may be doing wrong that is starting conflict, and how to improve your relationship with anyone that you have conflict with.
Some of my favorite points that Johnson helps you to understand better: Glorify God. Get the Log Out. Generally Restore. Go and Be Reconciled. Johnson reminded me that you can change your heart and what is in other's hearts; it's a simple thing, but sometimes forgotten... it's PRAYER.
Biblical principles are utilized to underline what it means when you forgive someone or are forgiven yourself. I truly loved his commentary on what he calls "The 4 Promises of Forgiveness." I never realized that there are so many emotional things happening inside when you tell someone else "I forgive you!"
However, the ideal that will stick with me and aid me the most is "The 7 A's of Apologies" found in chapter 5. There are so many actions that should be carried out with an apology. It's definitely not enough just to mumble the words "I'm sorry" like a toddler can, but to be able to admit specifically why you're apologizing, tell how you're going to alter your behavior, accept the consequences, and more. (Every time you apologize.)
This is an excellent book that I believe any Christian can benefit from. Also, if you're into listening to books, the audio version is done in excellent quality. -
As the title suggests, this is a very practical book on a relevant topic. Everyone experiences conflict. It is not possible in a fallen world of sinners to avoid it. I am afraid that many of us just accept that fact and determine to live with it, which means we have a growing mountain of unresolved offenses that is going to landslide on us someday. Unresolved offenses is fertile ground for bitterness to take root.
Ken Sande brings biblical truths to bear on this topic and highlights with personal experiences of conflict, forgiveness, and reconciliation. He gets at the heart of peacemaking and distinguishes between it and peacefaking. He treats the offender and the offended. He also gives some consideration to whether an offense can be passed over. That issue and forgiveness need a fuller biblical treatment, but he does give some good thoughts.
We must realize that Jesus commands us to resolve our conflicts, whether we are offended or the offender (Matthew 5:22-26; 18:15-17). This is to be done soon, humbly, and as privately as possible. This book will be helpful to you as you strive to live peaceably with all men in obedience to Christ's demands.
-
This is an excellent audio on this very difficult subject. It’s simple and incredibly practical and that what makes it very easy to listen to. The authors have made it a very straightforward issue, that has left me with no doubt as to what conflict is, and how to deal with it. It’s a fairly short audio which didn’t drag me down with lots of unnecessary theology, although there are plenty of biblical references in it. The narrator Maurice England has a very listenable voice. I felt like I was sitting having coffee with a trusted friend giving me sound godly advice, with a loving attitude.
I liked the different examples given about everyday conflicts that were easily resolved.
I would recommend this book to everyone, as we all face conflict all the time and probably could do with some practical help to know how to deal with it properly.
Thanks to christianaudio.com Reviewers Program for the free copy of this audio. -
This was an interesting read around the time I read What It's like to Go to War, and I am updating their reviews at the same time.
Both writers see conflict as normal, inevitable, and able to build toward a larger purpose. Denial, on the other hand, only provides a temporary delay and makes the issues over which conflict arises even harder to deal with. This author's insistence on putting our relationship with the Lord at the heart of how we deal with human conflict, I think, provides a needed shift in perspective. Anything we fight over with other humans pales in comparison to any opportunity to show the world that Jesus by denying ourselves. -
Really practical & readable book! Conflict is unavoidable in everyday life, such that it's not a matter of what the details of the conflict are, but what lasts is HOW you respond to the opposing side in it. Ken Sande lends warm wisdom & experience grounded in Biblical truth & Gospel power & grace in training the reader to respond to conflicts with both. A must read! And, as I personally found it at the time going through this book for a current situation, hard heart work.
-
Short review: This is short, but very good. Practical advice for how to deal with conflict. Seeped in bible, but very focused on how to actually work through conflict. Would make a very good small group study. Free on christianaudio.com during the month of May 2012.
My review is on my blog at
http://bookwi.se/resolving-everyday-c... -
There was conflict in Jerusalem but they negotiated and the result was deacons (Acts 6).
Pride is the root in most conflicts.
The problem is not disagreements, the problem is what we do with the disagreements. Most of the time we do not lay down pride to come up with a solution. Most people believe they are right and have to win.
If being right and getting what we want becomes an idol that we must have, we are putting it before God.
Our love for each other is not only a command from God but also what the world sees and thinks about God.
Conflict is an opportunity to solve problems and honor God.
Three main ways people respond to conflict: escape, attack, or make peace.
1 Cor 6 — we are to do everything possible to solve conflict in church and not take it to civil court.
How can you glorify God in the conflict? Put God’s glory over your good. Sadly, too many times God is far from our mind when it comes to conflict.
If we leave God out of our conflicts, we are left to our limited resources instead of God’s wisdom and resources.
The solution to our horizontal problems is to look up and see what God wants through the conflict (solutions, answers, or lessons).
Your actions to solve conflicts will either show that you have a big God or big problems and a big big view of self.
Three specific ways you can glorify God through your conflicts:
Trust God — Proverbs 3:5-6. You can trust Him even when you don’t understand.
Obey God — John 14:15. Our obedience shows He is worthy of our deepest loyalty and love.
Imitate God — Ephesians 5:1–2. When we live out the Gospel, we demonstrate God’s love and honor Him.
Proverbs 19:11 says it is a man’s glory to overlook an offense. Overlooking is not a cop out rather a conscious choice to not further look into or forgive. It’s an attitude of grace. It is treating others like you’d want to be treated.
Instead of focusing on the other person’s problems, ask yourself if you have owned up to your own faults.
Our problem solving efforts should not start with finding and focusing on the other person’s faults.
Even if you are only 2% wrong in the conflict, you are 100% responsible for your faults.
When we were children, we were taught how to say I’m sorry, but as we’ve grown, we’ve forgotten and rarely do it.
The seven A’s to a confession:
Address everyone involved — if your kids overheard you yelling, you need to talk to them as well. If it’s something no one else knows about, then take it to God instead of making it public. Your confession should reach as far as those that were affected.
Avoid using the words “if” “but” or “maybe.” Shifting blame by using these words will not soften the pain or resolve the problem.
Admit specifically. The more details will show areas you need to change as well as show the other person you are genuinely sorry.
Acknowledge the hurt. Ask if you don’t understand how they feel.
Accept the consequences. Accepting the consequences shows you are genuine in your confession.
Alter your behavior. Write down how you are going to change and the steps you will take. Be specific, put it in writing, and find others to help you stay accountable.
Ask for forgiveness and give time. Reconciliation does not always happen immediately.
The Bible teaches to take the initiative whether you are at fault or another is; and don’t forget that reconciliation is the goal.
The Bible does not just tell us to go to another but teaches us to go and restore gently – Galatians 6:1
Learn good listening if you are going to talk to another person. Don’t just accuse or assume rather go ask and listen
When God says He remembers not our sins, it doesn’t mean that He can’t but that He won’t.
The four promises of forgiveness:
I promise I won’t dwell on this incident.
I promise I won’t bring up this incident and use it against you.
I promise I won’t talk to others about this incident.
I promise I won’t allow this incident to stand between or hinder our personal relationship.
When conflict comes, God does not want us to close the Bible and give up rather dig deeper in the Bible and seek Him.
Love breaks the most stubborn and hardened heart, it is what God used on us. -
I was really skeptical at first. I don’t commonly read titles by authors who I don’t know. I know nothing about Ken or Kevin. This book was recommended to me by a woman at my church because I’ve been dealing with lots of conflict in my life that’s been very distressing. Thankfully I found a copy in the church library!
Right away they are talking about the gospel (clearly and rightly articulated) and then properly explain what obedience is. They talked about indictives/imperatives and I was immediately hooked. Wanna know how to win over my heart? Law/gospel distinctions lol
This book is very helpful. I wish they talked more about conflicts over doctrine, specifically when two people disagree whether something is a primary issue or not.
Primary is always of course 1. Gospel 2. The nature of God in regards to salvation.
But, how do two parties find peace and reconciliation when both parties do not see eye to eye on the same issue that is threatening the body of Jesus?
How can two parties reconcile when one is viewing the other as a slanderer, when they are not? How do two parties find peace when neither can agree? How can to parties love one another, forgive, and go in peace when both are Christians but don’t view the same issue the same?
I know that the answer is probably: reconciliation is not possible unless repentance occurs on both ends. But, my longing is for restoration and peace. And I don’t think it’s possible.
I just want more practical application for such a weird situation I’m going through and I don’t know what could possibly help lol because this book doesn’t really explore that topic.
My favorite quote is page 50 “First, you can trust God. Our natural impulse is to rely on our own ideas and abilities as we respond to people who oppose us. But, you can ask God to give you grace to depend on him and follow his ways, even if his ways are completely opposite to what you feel like doing. Above all, you can hold tightly to everything God has promised you in the gospel. If you trust that Jesus has forgiven your sins, then you can confess them freely to others. If you believe he uses the pressures of conflict to help you grow, then you can cooperate with his work. If you count on his assurance that he always watches over you, you can quit fearing what others might do to you.”
It continues... but, this really resonated with me and encouraged me greatly, I needed these words. Blessed me.
I also loved these questions “How can I focus on Gos in this situation? How can I help others with their own contribution to this conflict? How can I own my part of this conflict? How can I give forgiveness and help reach a reasonable solution? What answers does he (God) have for this conflict?”
Easy read. Read it basically in one sitting. -
Biblical conflict resolution handbook. It shows how to apply the Gospel and God's principles for peacemaking to the conflicts of everyday life. I haven't yet read Sande's
The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, so I don't know how it compares.
Notes
The Hope of the Gospel: Life-Changing Power that Can Heal Your Relationships
Instead of starting with what you should do for God, start with God has already done for you. Because God bears with you, you can bear with others. Because He forgives you, you can forgive others. Because He loves you, you can love and live in harmony with others.
"The indicative precedes the imperative": what God has done for you (indicative) comes before what you must do (imperative). When you understand what God has done for you, your response moves from "I should do that" to "I can do that" to "I want to do that." When you understand how much you have in Christ, your response is glad obedience. You go from viewing God's commands as a heavy list of rules to viewing them as a joy.
Escaping, Attacking, or Peacemaking: A Biblical Response to Conflict
3 basic ways people respond to conflict:
1. Escape: run, deny, even commit suicide.
2. Attack: aims to win through litigation, assault, even murder.
3. Peacemaking: aims to reconcile; restore relationships through discussion, overlooking wrong, negotiation, mediation, arbitration, even church discipline.
The farther you go towards escape or attack, the more likely you are to follow it with a more extreme response that makes situation worse.
Escape Responses
• Used when people are more interesting in avoiding conflict than dealing with it.
E.g., quit job, leave house, end friendship, divorce, change churches.
• Delays finding real solution, so harmful way to deal with conflict.
• Sometimes good temporary solution to calm down, organize thoughts, pray, escape abuse.
• Peacefaking: trying to make things look good when they're not; done when a person cares more about appearance of peace than reality of it.
Attack Responses
• Makes conflict worse.
• Peacebreaking: sacrificing people and peace to get what you want; care less about relationship than winning.
Peacemaking
• Only approach that actually resolves conflict.
• Work toward mutual responsibility in solving problem.
• Applies Gospel and God's principles for problem-solving to everyday life.
4 Gs of Peacemaking
G1: Glorify God: How can I focus on God in this situation?
G2: Get the log out of your eye: How can I own my part of this conflict?
G3: Gently restore: How can I help others own their contribution to this conflict?
G4: Go and be reconciled: How can I give forgiveness and help reach a reasonable solution?
G1: Glorify God: Bringing God into Your Situation
When in conflict, ask yourself, "How can I please and honor God in this situation?"
Put God's glory and the other person's good ahead of proving yourself right.
"Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" (1 Cor 10:31).
Trust God. Don't rely on your own ideas and abilities. Ask God for grace to depend on Him and depend on His ways (Prov 3:5-7).
Living Gospel and imitating Jesus' humility, mercy, forgiveness, loving correction is the surest way to restore peace.
A God-centered approach makes you less dependent on results. Even if others don't respond positively to your peacemaking efforts, you can find comfort in knowing God is pleased with your obedience. That can help you persevere.
In many situations, best way to resolve conflict is to overlook wrongs (Prov 19:11; 17:14; 1 Pet 4:8; Eph 4:2). Ask yourself, "Is this worth fighting over?"
Overlooking isn't avoiding conflict or "peacefaking"; it's deliberately deciding not to brood over an offense; to completely forgive without any further action.
Overlooking isn't right when a wrong is damaging your relationship, hurting other people, hurting offender, or significantly dishonoring God.
Overlooking is often fastest and least costly route to peace.
1st G (glorify God) undergirds every effort towards peace. When conflict is too big to overlook, follow other 3 Gs.
G2: Get the Log Out: Owning Your Part of a Conflict
Ask yourself, "How can I own my part of this conflict?" (Matt 7:3-5)
In Matt 7:3-5, Jesus doesn't mean our sins are bigger or worse than others, but they're our responsibility, so they're our primary focus.
7 A's of getting the log out
1. Address everyone involved. Confess heart sins to God; confess social sins to anyone affected (even as a witness).
2. Avoid "if, but, maybe."
3. Admit specifically.
4. Acknowledge the hurt you caused.
5. Accept consequences.
6. Alter your behavior. Don't repeat sin.
7. Ask for forgiveness and allow time.
Golden Result: people will usually treat us as we treat them. If we blame them, they'll often blame us. If we admit fault, they'll often admit fault.
G3: Gently Restore: Helping Others Own Their Part of the Conflict
We must gently point out sins to restore others (Gal 6:1; Matt 18:15; Jam 5:20).
Matt 5:23-24 tells us to reconcile with those who have something against us, even if we don't think we're at fault.
If sin is affecting how others view God or church, don't overlook; bring concern to offender.
Follow Matt 18 process.
If you can resolve a dispute personally and privately, do so. If you can't resolve, involve 1 or more mature, unbiased individuals (Matt 18:16). Keep number involved as small as possible for as long as possible. Witnesses aren't to gang up on opponent; they're to calm and clarify, asking questions and giving advice. It's not necessary that witness saw situation firsthand.
G4: Go And Be Reconciled: Giving Forgiveness and Arriving at a Reasonable Solution
Being willing to forgive is up to you, but reconciliation depends on other person's repentance.
Consequences can exist even after forgiveness (e.g., not necessary to restore embezzler to financial position). -
This is an excellent little book on resolving conflict, written from a Christian perspective.
It's small in size and length, about 107pp. You could easily read it in an afternoon (as I did), but the principles he teaches are such that they deserve deeper reflection (as I will give them).
Chapter 1: Why do conflicts happen.
Chapter 2: The power of the Gospel in our lives to change us and bring reconciliation
Chapter 3: Responses to conflict: flight, fight, or peace
Chapters 4-7: The Principles of peace-making (the for G's glorify God, get real, gently engage, get together).
Chapter 8: What if reconciliation isn't working
Good stuff. This will probably be a Sunday School series at my church this coming year.
