| Title | : | The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | 1881273571 |
| ISBN-10 | : | 9781881273578 |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Hardcover |
| Number of Pages | : | 288 |
| Publication | : | First published February 1, 2006 |
You'll learn the five languages of apology:
* Expressing regret
* Accepting responsibility
* Making restitution
* Genuinely repenting
* Requesting forgiveness
The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships Reviews
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Several of my friends are reading other books in this line (the five love languages, etc). One of them told me to "keep my filter on." I'll say. This book has a very Christian focus. The chapter on forgiveness was pretty much useless to me, as it was mostly "let go and let God".
(Would a more careful reading of the book jacket have forewarned me? Possibly.)
A lot of the examples are also based on Christian morals. Man, I thought I had problems...people get upset about some really silly things. (Note: looking at porn != porn addiction! Hello!) I think what bothered me most was that there was a lack of what I'd consider healthy boundaries in the example scenarios & solutions.
(Warning: potential trigger ahead.) I found it offensive to suggest that a molested child who had run away from home return and apologize to her parents first. In fact, I kinda turned the air in the room a bit blue when I read that.
Despite all that, I will probably go ahead & read the five love languages, JFK. -
At first I thought this book was going to be tedious. I mean, really, how many books is Gary Chapman going to write with "5 Languages" in the title? So, I didn't expect this book to tell me much. As I read it, though, I realized it was rather an important read. Effective apologies aren't something overly well taught or conveyed. I didn't find the different languages of apology to be all that earth-shattering as they seemed a bit straight forward to me. However, since the language needed depends a lot on the situation, it is good to know there are different, and perhaps better, way to apologize. But, I liked the ideas brought up in the context of those chapters, especially when Gary brought up how people have a hard time apologizing for things that are not moral wrongs. I think this is completely accurate. People don't like to apologize for the little things or make changes in their character to benefit those closest to them since "I'm not really wrong when I do this." The later chapters in the book talked about how to apologize and forgive, teaching children to apologize and forgive, forgiving one's self, and learning how to apologize in different situations (family members, co-workers, dating relationships, etc.). I found these to be a better part of the book, particularly the "forgiving one's self" chapter.
I enjoyed this book. I am happy I read it. I think it will be helpful both now and in the future. -
Me gusto mucho, creo que a través de este libro Dios nos da una llave para relacionarnos eficazmente con otros y vivir sanamente. No todos pedimos perdón de la misma manera y no todos recibimos el perdón y las disculpas del otro de la misma forma. Super recomendado y clave para todo aquel que quiera crecer en el perdón, tanto en dar como en pedirlo. Al tener un hábito de pedir perdón y perdonar rápidamente podremos mirarnos en el espejo, mirar al otro a los ojos y adorar a Dios en espíritu y en verdad. Gloria a Dios por este libro y estos autores... Gracias Papá!
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Age Appropriate For: 13 and up (some situations discussed)
Best for Ages: 13 and up
My mom recommended this book to me a while back, but I just didn’t think about it for a while. After all, our family is really good at the whole process. We keep short accounts and work through issues. My mom and Dad talked about how different people need to hear different things and need different things before the five love language book came out. With that said, I hit a situation where I felt my apology was not being heard, so I picked up the book.
First off, I had a major issue with Chapmen/Thomas’ theology. They think they stated in the introduction that forgiveness is only a requirement when requested. I only hope that the authors confused forgiveness and reconciliation. I agree that we cannot always be reconciled to those who hurt us without repentance, but forgiveness is a requirement. I could go on and on about this issue, but I will not.
With all that said, I felt that this book had a lot of value. Both authors are what I could call communication experts. They have found some fundamental different ways people communicate and help you to understand how to find it. What communicates a sincere apology to one person might not to another.
I found the first five chapters the most valuable and would skip the introduction if I could do it over again. While I enjoyed the book and it clarified some things, it really didn’t change my thoughts on much. Like I said, my parents taught us this kind of thing long before the books were out.
The one thing I wish had been covered was how to handle a relationship when someone will not accept your apology. This is a sad reality. You can apologize in someone’s apology language, and the person may still choose to refuse to forgive you. However, I think that would make the authors feel as if they were admitting to a flaw in their system.
Overall, I recommend this book for those looking for help communicating well. I would not read it for theology, and some of advice should be taken with a grain of salt. -
The first part of the book, where each "language" is explained can be useful. I already knew most of the things presented in the book, but I did find value in understanding how differently people relate to apologizing / asking or being asked for forgiveness.
I am only giving it 2 stars because the book brings up God and Christianism a lot. Normally, I wouldn't necessarily mind the examples or the biblical quotes because I can filter things out. HOWEVER, I find it unacceptable to include an example about forgiveness that revolves around a child who ran away from home because she was sexually abused by her father, who then reached out to her parents, as an adult, to ask for their forgiveness.
I'm sorry, what?! I could feel my cortisol levels elevating. It made me angry. There is not a single mention about healthy boundaries, about how certain things MAY be, in fact, unforgivable. Not everything needs to be forgiven. Not everything should be forgiven.
I was able to move past certain examples that seemed quite far fetched and overly dramatic (once again, because of the Christian approach) by rolling my eyes and turning the page, but that example was unacceptable to me.
I still think the presentation of the 5 languages can be useful, especially for people who struggle with apologizing or asking for forgiveness. The book had a lot of potential. It's a shame. -
This book gave me a lot to think about: 1) what I need in an apology and 2) what others need.
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"The Five Languages of Apology" is an excellent book that helped me understand repentance and forgiveness better by helping me recognize when others were apologizing to me, and to express my apologies better. Some genuine apologies seemed so fake to me, and sometimes other people just didn't seem to get how sorry I was; much of this was caused because we were speaking different "languages".
The five 'languages' are: expressing regret ("I am sorry."), accepting responsibility ("I was wrong"), making restitution ("What can I do to make it right?"), genuinely repenting ("I'll try not to do that again."), and requesting forgiveness ("Will you please forgive me?"). The book expresses these in clear wording and salient examples; it's large print and a short read, unless you absolutely can't, getting your hands on a copy is indispensable to understanding the more foreign languages. Unlike the "Love Languages" I could easily identify with these. The "languages of apology" are so different and so deeply ingrained that I still tend to view these as levels of being sorry, from "Our relationship matters to me" to "I won't ever do that again."
Whether the relationship is an "I-It" or "I-Thou" protect your relationships by at least learning to speak the same language, and evaluating if you are sorry in the terms they need to hear for reconciliation. It is interesting how much of a difference it makes to feeling; it's critical to understanding and being understood. -
For me, this was the perfect book at the perfect time. I liked that the author broke an apology down into different languages. A simple "I'm sorry" is not always believable, even when it is sincere. Some need more than that in order to fully process it and move on. It amazed me how adding a few different words to an apology can be the difference between forgiveness and grudges or between healing and hurting.
As with most of this author's other books, it helps to put others first and to meet their relationship needs and not just plowing through with your needs first and foremost. -
Oh this book made me cry. I was in a long relationship with someone who wouldn't apologize and if he did, it was of the "I'm sorry you're upset" or "I said I was sorry already".
It has a bit too much of a Christian slant for me, but there is a lot of good practical information in here. Basically, if you want to be in relationship with people, and you're imperfect, take a look at the ideas. -
I've read
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate and
The Five Love Languages for Singles and appreciate knowing the love languages and knowing what mine are, what my spouse's are, and those of family and close friends. My husband and I were discussing the love languages again the other day and went to Chapman's website, where we noticed a quiz for "apology languages". So we both took it and then I read this book.
Knowing how we are when we apologize or the type of apology we expect from each other makes so much more sense, and also knowing how we are with others or in business situations. For me, making restitution and genuinely repenting indicate a sincere, meaningful apology, but for my husband, expressing regret and accepting responsibility are enough. Asking forgiveness is the fifth language.
I highly recommend taking this quiz to find out your apology language (
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile...) and then reading the book if you want more information about it.
The book was repetitive at times and all of the marriage case studies got old, especially as individual marriages vary and don't apply to everyone. Of course, Chapman included love language information for those who aren't familiar with it, although for me that was also repetitive as I've read the other books. The chapters in the back have some wisdom regarding forgiving/apologizing when you don't want to, how to apologize in a business situation, how to apologize to your in-laws and other family members, and how to apologize to yourself, among others.
Each of the apology language chapters has example apology statements at the end, as well. Also good to teach your kids how to apologize in all ways and be aware of how others best receive apologies.
All in all, I'd recommend if only to understand apology languages, but I'd advise skimming for the relevant/helpful parts. -
I really enjoyed the first chapter of this book and agree with the authors that there are various languages of apology. I have noticed in my own marriage that at times my husband and I struggle with communicating our apology to one another. But within the next few chapters I soon disagreed with the author about the issue of when to forgive. I believe that we need to be cultivating a heart of forgiveness and taking our hurt to God so that when someone does apologies we are ready to extend our forgiveness to them.
The more I read, I was struck with the fact that the root of the problem is pride. We stuggle to give some one an apology because of our own pride! If you have time to read this book I would suggest you instead read some good books about pride. If you begin to work on the pride in your life - we all have it! - I tink the languages of apology will come from the overflow of humbleness that you begin to cultivate.
I recommend 2 books:
Humility True Greatness
I Really Want to Change... So, Help Me God -
If you have difficulty resolving conflicts with individuals you care about, this book provides the tools to get you started down the path. Written in the same style/tone as the Five Love Languages by Chapman, this book takes the time to outline, explain, discuss, and give examples of different ways people apologize.
While it can be very easy to flip through the five different apology styles and think, "Yeah, I get it; I can understand all of these and don't have to finish reading this whole book", I would recommend taking some time with it, anyway. I found that even though I intellectually recognize these different apologies, I emotionally accept some easier than others, and only time to think about, read, and allowing the ideas to internalize will allow me to better accept apologies in other forms.
(You don't have to read the Five Love Languages to understand this one, either.) -
The bad reviews are killing me, y’all. You know the Author is a Pastor and Christian counselor, right?!
If you want a secular answer, check the world. Seeking application with biblical evidence? This is a great book! -
ممكن تلاقي علاقة بواحد صاحبك او صاحبتك انتهت فجأة و على سبب تافه لكن الحقيقة ان بيكون فيه تراكمات كتيرة اوي فا سبب التافه ده زي كده ما بيقولوا القشة اللي قسمت ظهر البعير
طيب و تراكمات دي بقى جات بسبب ان المواقف القديمة لم تحل، لسه عاملة مشكلة .. لسه مسببة حزن
و عشان نطمن ان مفيش تراكمات فا ربنا خلق حاجتين و هما ( التسامح و التصالح)
التسامح و هو انك تسامح حد بدون ما يعتذر منك لنفسك كده تسامحه و تسامح ده حاجة كبيرة اوي اوي و ممكن تبقى قادر تسامح ( ما زاد الله عبدا بعفو إلا عزا) و ممكن لا ( فا لا يكلف الله نفسا إلا وسعها) و ده عادي جدا جدا لانه فعلا بيحتاج طاقة
اما التصالح فا هو انك تتصافى مع حد مضايقك بعد ما يعتذر لك
بس الفكرة ان اوقات كتير جدا بيجي حد يقولك انا أسف بس بتحسها ناقصة او مش حاسس انه فعلا بيعتذر و اكنه بيسكتك و خلاص
بس يا ترا هل هو صادق في اعتذاره ولا لا؟
في الكتاب ده جاري تشابمان كان بيناقش ان الناس عندهم ٥ لغات للإعتذار
(زي الكتاب بتاعه الاولاني بتاع لغات الحب ال خمسة )
بيقول ان كل شخص عنده لغة اعتذار خاصة بيه و بيتكلم باللغة دي لما بيجي يعتذر
فا بتالي لو انت لغة اعتذارك مختلفة عن شخص اللي بيقولك انا اسفه فا بالنسبالك هتحس ان اعتذاره ناقص او مش صادق، و ده لأنك مش بتتكلم اللغة بتاعته
و قال ان لغات الإعتذار هما
1- expressing regrets
2- accepting responsibility
3- making restitution
4- planned change
5- requesting forgiveness
👈🏻 رقم واحد و هي التعبير عن الندم اللي بيتكلموا لغة دي بيعتذر عن طريق انه يعبر عن حزنه و ندمه عن سلوكه
فا بتالي هو بينتظر ان شخص يكون فعلا حاسس بالندم او الحزن انك عملت حاجة جرحته بالشكل ده
زي مثال ( انا حقيقي اسفه اني جرحتك انا مكنش قصدي ابدا، انا حقيقي حزين ان صدر مني سلوك زي ده )
👈🏻 رقم اتنين و هو تحمل المسؤولية
و اصحاب لغة دي بيحبوا يتحملوا نتيجة خطأهم و بتالي المعتذر لازم يكون شايف نفسه غلطان و يتحمل مسؤولية
مثال ( انا حقيقي اسف * انا عارف اني غلطت* )
👈🏻 رقم تلاتة انك تعمل زي رد اعتبار حاجة في رينج ده
و هو انك تعوضه عن الحزن او جرح اللي سببته
مثال ( انا حقيقي اسف عن اللي سببته ليك من ألم تحب اعوضك ازاي؟ )
هنا جاري تشابمان قال ان دي فرصة لطيفة انك تضم لغات الحب الخاصة بالشخص و تبقى هي التعويض
خليني اقول ايه هي لغات الحب الخمسة الأول
1- words of affirmation
2- acts of service
3- receiving gifts
4- physical touch
5- quality time
مثال لو الشخص اللي بتعتذرله لغة الاعتذار بتاعته انك تعوضه فا هتشوف هو لغة الحب بتاعته ايه لو مثلا هي quality time فا هيكون تعويض انك تقضي معاه وقت بجودة
مثال ( انا حقيقي اسف جدا تحب اعوضك عن غلطتي باننا نقضي وقت سوا ؟, مثلا نشوف الفيلم اللي بتحبه سوا ولا تحب نقعد نتمشى و نتكلم)
الكاتب شرح كل لغة حب مع لغة الاعتذار دي باستفاضة هنا
👈🏻 رقم ٤ و هي انك تحط خطة بحيث متقعش في الغلط ده تاني الشخص المتألم بيكون حابب يعرف انك مش هتغلط و تجرحه تاني
فا بيكون اعتذارك ( انا اسف جدا اوعدك مش هعمل كده تاني و هاخد بالي المره اللي جاية )
هنا اوقات كتيرة بنقول اننا مش هنعمل كده تاني بس برده بنعمل فا الحل هنا هو انك تعمل خطة بورقة و قلم لوحدك او مع الشخص اللي بتغلط في حقه كل مره و تتفقوا ازاي هتتجنبوا ده تاني
زي مثلا ( لما بتتعصب بتزعق جامد في الأولاد فا هتتفقوا ان اللحظة اللي هتلاقي نفسك هتفقد اعصابك تقول لشريكك انا بدأت افقد اعصابي اقعد انت مع الاولاد و تروح تشم نفسك او تتمشى)
👈🏻 رقم ٥ و اخيرا طلب المسامحة
دول اشخاص الاعتذار بالنسبالهم هو انك تطلب من شخص انه يسامحك
مثال ( لو سمحت سامحني على الغلطة اللي عاملتها )
هي دي لغات الاعتذار الخمسة اللي اتكلم عنهم
كل واحد فينا بيتكلم لغة معينة هي رقم واحد عنده
مهم تعرف لغة الاعتذار للاشخاص اللي تهمك عشان لما تيجي تعتذر تعتذر بلغتهم هما فا يعرفوا انك فعلا صادق في الاعتذار
و هما يعتذروا بلغتك الخاصة عشان فعلا تصفى و تتصالح و تعرف قد ايه هما بيحبوك و مهتمين بيك
كتاب لطيف جدا و فيه شرح اكتر من كده هيخليك تجمع الفكرة بصورة افضل
يمكن كان فيه جزء حاسيته غير متفق مع معتقداتنا و لكن انا اتعلمت لما كنت في مكتبة اسكندرية اني اخد الأجزاء المهمة اللي تهمني و استفيد بالمعلومات بغض النظر عن اسلوب الشرح او طريقة او باقي الافكار اللي ممكن متكونش متفقة معايا
و في نهاية الكتاب فيه assessment بيتعمل يعرفك ال apology profile الخاص بيك او لغة اعتذارك
انا عملته و طلع عندي لغتين قد بعض بظبط هما رقم ١
و ده عادي جدا و اتنين متقاربين بفرق رقم و لغة واحده هي الاقل خالص
ممكن يبقى عندك لغة اعتذار واحده هي رقم ١
و ممكن تبقى زيّ عادي عندك لغتين هي رقم ١ بالعكس ده بيسهل على الأشخاص لما يعتذروا ليك انك تسامحهم اسرع
اتمنالكم حياة مليئة بالتسامح -
“Realitatea este că facem cu toții greșeli; nu există asulți perfecți. Adulții maturi învață cum să distrugă modelele dăunătoare din copilărie și să accepte responsabilitatea pentru propriile greșeli. Adultul lipsit de maturitate va găsi justificări la infinit pentru propriul comportament greșit.”
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تجد شرح لغات الاعتذار في اول خمسة فصول اما باقي الكتاب فهو تكرار وحشو
يربط الكاتب بعض الافكار بالمسيح وبقصص من الانجيل وهذا لا يزعجني لكن كنت أفضّل لو صُنّف الكتاب من ضمن الكتب المسيحية
ايضا يذكر الكاتب الكثير من قصص عملائه والتي اشك في أنها من نسج خياله -
I was hopeful this would be more helpful in apology and forgiveness.
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I had high hopes for this book. It eventually made me sick to my stomach and furious. Read other reviews before even attempting to read. Btw I’m not sorry.
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Tiene contenido de valor. Jamás había imaginado que existen diversos lenguajes para pedir disculpas y que cada uno tiene el suyo. Los primeros capítulos me parecen muy buenos, hasta el momento sigo tratando de autoanalizar mi propio lenguaje.
Sin embargo, los últimos capítulos abordan mucho sobre la moral cristiana más que un tema de auto aprendizaje. Toma lo que más te convenga y te ayude de estos últimos capítulos. -
Although helpful on some level, I did not like this book nearly as well as the love languages ones. I found it way more religious and far more obvious. There were a few cringy examples and even some judgy moments that I didn't think were necessary. I'd suggest passing this one over.
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O carte pe care trebuie sa o citeasca fiecare membru al familiei...
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A powerful follow-up to The Five Love Languages, I think this one was even more useful in improving and maintaining health of my marriage. Where The Five Love Languages taught me to understand my spouse, The Five Languages of Apology taught me more about myself. At times, it was hard to face the realization that I have been exceedingly poor at speaking apologies in such a way that others accept my apology as sincere and heartfelt. I always belived that saying you're sorry and meaning it should be enough. Looking at all the different languages showed me areas I can improve and communicate love not only when I feel loving, but also when I feel frustrated, stressed, and hurt. This book and its companion are a worthy read by anyone who wants to do a better job of communicating with others in anyway, but particularly in family and marriage relationships. It would make a fantastic wedding present.
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I would give this book a 4.5/5. I really like the concept of the book and I am hoping to use the apology languages in my life. The only thing I disliked about the book was the fact that it doesn't give you any advice if you are one of the people who never grew up with apologies. I could tell I was very similar to a person they described as having a fear of failure being the reason I might be tempted to refuse to apologize. My entire adult life I've fought that and done my best to apologize when I feel like I've done something wrong, even though any kind of failure feels disastrous. It will be helpful to know how to apologize to people but I thought it would have been beneficial to go into a little detail of how to approach that issue if it is something you deal with. That aside, it is nice knowing that not everyone receives apologies the same. I think it will be very helpful knowing how to apologize in multiple ways so you can show you care.
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Unfortunately not nearly as good as "The Five Love Languages". I do think the authors have a point, that there are different languages of apology, but I found it a lot harder to relate to the differences between the languages, and I still have absolutely no clue what my primary language of apology is!
It's not a book I'd want to read in one sitting - although that's what I did with TFLL - because as it's a book about apology you're automatically made to think of times when you owed others an apology, or they owed you one. Made for rather depressing reading at times.
Gary and Jennifer do have some good points at times though, and while I still have no idea what neither my own nor my husband's language of apology is, I now know to rephrase my apology using several different ones. Besides, I do know one or two that it's definitely NOT, so that always helps. -
Another winner from Chapman and Thomas! The five languages of apology was nicely laid out, easy to read, excellent examples and even touched on the "Five languaes of love" (another book).
The five languages of apology are:
1. Expressing Regret
Example "I am sorry."
2. Accepting Responsibility
Example "I was wrong."
3. Making Restitution
"What can I do to make it right?
4. Genuinely Repenting
"I'll try not to do that again."
5. Requesting Forgiveness
"Will you please forgive me?"
The above 5 chapters are brief and excellent. Followed in the book are chapters:
1. Discovering your primary apology language
2. Apologizing is a choice
3. Learning to forgive
4. Learning to apologize in the family
5. Learning to apologize in the workplace
6. Teaching your child to apologize
7. Apologizing in a dating relationship
8. Apologizing to yourself
Highly recommended! -
Have you ever had a disagreement with spouse, friend, or coworker and the apology given didn’t mend your hurt feelings? Or maybe you tried to apologize only to have your apology rejected. Possibly your apology didn’t match the style of the receiver.
Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas discuss the various apology styles in The Five Languages of Apology. ...
Christians Read: Books Review -
This would have been better if they had deleted 2/3rd of it. The concept of apology languages is interesting and valuable. The additional religious content was heavy handed and preachy, it did not add to my understanding of the apology languages.
If you want to avoid most of the religious rhetoric but still get an understanding of the apology languages, just read the first half of the book.
